


I Don't Want to Hurt You

by afrocurl



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-13
Updated: 2006-08-13
Packaged: 2017-10-08 19:22:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrocurl/pseuds/afrocurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Funny thing about today: my blondes have this ability to slowly suck the life of me on the same day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to Hurt You

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through _Not Pictured_ for some things, with some AU moments thrown in after _Plan B_. Future-fic, as well.

October 3, 2018

"Waking up to a cold,empty bed should be normal, but it's not. I should know better than to trust her to stay longer than a few hours after another amazing, if brief, night together. She keeps leaving me presents, and I gladly collect them and pick up the pieces of my head, and heart.

"Today's present, her red thong, will join the myriad of other random pieces of underwear that she leaves, knowing that I'll always be back for another round, later.

"It isn't healthy for me to be this transfixed on someone, especially her, but I'm really a fool when it comes to loving woman. Ever since we kissed in that shithole motel in high school, she's had my heart, and my body just fails at every attempt to forget her.

"Of course, getting to where I am now wasn't her fault—another vivacious blonde took a good chunk of my life fifteen years ago.

"Funny thing about today: my blondes have this ability to slowly suck the life of me on the same day.

"It should really be explained, how I came into my life of collecting Veronica's underwear, and why I'm nervously waiting for the next phone call."

"You don't need to explain anything. These sessions are for you only. I don't need the background."

"I know, but it helps to talk through this stuff, right?"

"Right."

"Veronica always had this way of understanding what I needed in any situation. She broke up me that first summer because I was a danger to myself, and her, but I didn't really listen. Instead, I found myself fucking Dick's step-mom and gloating about how great my sex life was.

"Even after that, she still helped me when I needed to clear my reputation, and I can't even explain why she did it. She's got to be a bigger masochist than I am."

"I wouldn't call you a masochist, Logan, given what you dealt with before you met Veronica."

"Aaron can't be the root of all of my problems, doc. It doesn't get to be that easy, or at least that's what I've seen on every show or movie with a therapist."

"Well, there's a big difference between TV and movies and real life."

"You don't have to tell me that twice. I'm the king of keeping that fourth wall firmly in place.

"Back to Veronica, though. There was this day during senior year, where I realized that she still loved me, and I didn't really know what to do. I was working the Sadie Hawkins dance at the ticket booth with Gia Goodman. Damn, that girl just wanted to talk my ear off, and then get into my pants. I wasn't interested at all, and I was about to rip into her with some snide comment that I get away with all the time, when Veronica pulled me away and made me dance with her.

"I tried to lighten the mood with something else sarcastic, but she didn't respond. We just moved to the music, trying to avoid looking at each other, but knowing that there was some sort of detente between us now.

"It felt so right to have my hands on her hips and just sway to the music of some emo band. I didn't really want the moment to end, but as the song faded, I just grabbed her and walked her to my car. I didn't really know what to do, except stay close to her and hope that she noticed had just happened. She didn't. I leaned against my car and hoped she'd get the hint, but nothing happened.

"She stayed close enough to me for something to happen, but she just sort of looked right into my chest. It hurt so much to have her so close, and yet not be able to kiss her that I caved in, and brought my lips to hers.

"Everything changed after that point. The kiss—it was amazing—and then we went back to my hotel room and fooled around. That was the first night she left something behind. I managed to get her sweater off, and it remained on the floor of my suite after she made up some reason to leave.

"Of course, she played hard to get and didn't give the satisfaction of letting me know that she had a good time, and so we go back to our previous games. We bicker, and make fun of each other, and then my friends and I fuck up Prom and I throw a replacement version.

"This time she doesn't run as we found each other during the party. I made some speech about being epic and lives ruined, and I kissed her again. We found a way to clear out the lemmings that came to my party and got back to what felt right between us.

"I had her in my room, and nothing kept me from having her all to myself. The moment ended up like some horribly clichéd teen movie with sex on Prom night, but I didn't really care. She was mine again, and I felt so much better about everything. She left before I woke up the next morning, leaving behind the thong she wore that night. I hadn't expected her to leave anything that personal, but I didn't complain. It joined the sweater in a separate drawer in my room.

"Of course, then Aaron went and ruined the moment by getting off for killing Lilly. Veronica was devastated, and I was just fucking pissed off that he charmed his way out of another issue. He'd done the same thing for all the years he beat me—only this time instead of nurses and maids, it was twelve of the stupidest people in BalboaCounty

"Somehow I didn't let him fuck up me graduating from high school, and I started to have a great time at the Grad Night party, until Veronica started to act like she'd been when she figured out how Aaron killed Lilly.

"She texted me later to say she needed help, and I watched her tell me that Beaver fucking Casablancas raped her at Shelly's party, that he'd been molested by our mayor and that Beaver also was responsible for that stupid bus crash. Beaver killed himself, and she broke down.

"I took her back to her place, where she just collapsed and muttered, again, something about Keith being dead because of Cassidy, too. I did the only thing I knew how to do, and let her cry it out. I put her to bed, and stayed in their tiny apartment because, unlike her, I wouldn't leave her.

"The next morning Keith walks in, alive, and I knew I had to leave. This time I left something behind—my hoodie from the previous night. She returned it the next day, after I learned that someone killed Aaron, and we started to talk. Nothing serious was discussed, but it felt good.

"That summer we continued in our seriously strange idea of healthy--having our way with each other like we were the last two people on earth—and in our circle of friends, it was true. Lilly was dead and Duncan was somewhere keeping his daughter from her crazy grandparents.

"At various anniversaries, like the anniversary of Lilly's death or Alterna-Prom, we'd fuck like rabbits and she'd leave again. I never understood why she left on those days, but each time, something else she'd worn into my house was left in plain view the next morning.

"She'd stay away for weeks after an anniversary like that, and when she finally came back, I'd forget anything bad happened when she left me. Inside it stung worse than any of Aaron's beatings—I had her physically, but emotionally, she was still the girl I'd taunted and teased before falling in love with her. She never forgot that, as much as I tried to show her how much I really loved her now.

"Each year, after another anniversary came, she'd stay away longer, and I'd just fucking wait for her. I'd go back into my room, find all of the items she'd left behind, and just look at them. It was easier to forget that she was gone when I had something with her scent around. I even managed to dig up that song from the Sadie Hawkins dance and listen to it on loop, just to look back on something when I was happy.

"I have no idea how long she's going to be gone this time, but when she comes back, I won't ask questions, and she won't say anything about where she went, or what she did. I'll put on that stupid song we danced to, trying to pick up where we left off before, and end up with more pieces of myself broken inside."

"You seem really conflicted about this, Logan. Why let her back in if she's only going to break your heart again?"

"Because, unlike Mom or Lilly, she does come back. I was broken long before she found me, and she tried to fix me, and then learned that I liked being broken more.

"I guess I really am a masochist after all."

Driving home from my therapist's office wasn't the normal peaceful trip. I was still fixated on Veronica's departure this morning, and given that it was the fifteen year anniversary of Lilly's death, I was pretty sure that the day was officially going to suck.

Pulling into the driveway, I noticed that there was something waiting at the front door, but pushed it off as a sad excuse of a gift from Dick on Lilly's anniversary. Dick, being Dick, always found a way to make the day suck even more with some random shot glass. I wasn't looking forward to opening this one.

I moved through the garage to avoid the gift as long as possible. The house was as quiet as it was after Veronica left all the other times, but it still made me shudder at her ability to jerk me around, willingly.

I gave up on avoiding the package at my door, and walked over to the entrance. Dick didn't disappoint, at all. This year's glass was from one of his more recent trips to Mexico (gee—thanks for that reminder, Dick.) I resisted the urge to smash the glass against my hardwood floor, and moved towards my room. It was a day to wallow in my own self-pity, I had decided.

As I approached my room, though, something seemed different. Unlike the rest of the house, there was a faint hum coming from my bed. Given my stellar luck, it would be a crazed fan of Aaron's here to kill me because someone else had killed him. I didn't need that shit on a day like today, so I tried to avoid my bedroom as long as possible. I ambled around every other room, looking for something to distract me, but nothing worked. My head was still wrapped up around Veronica, and nothing but the smell of her was really going to make this better.

The masochistic streak finally won out, and I entered my room. No crazy stalker, though. Veronica was in another red thong sitting on my bed, looking like I was the crazy one.

"Coming to join me?"

Rational thoughts escaped me at the moment. "Well, why the fuck not? Here's to Lilly Kane!"

There was a strange look on Veronica's face as I made my way to her. "Kidding," I said softly, before I arrived in front of her. "Here's to you," I said with a smirk.

\---  


**Note, the second:** my challenge items were a thong and the lyric "Picked the pieces up" from Sway by the Perishers.


End file.
